‘Survivor: Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers’ Premiere Recap – False Start

‘Survivor: Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers’ (CBS)

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Quick Note: In the past, my recaps have kind of been a quick look at the episode’s events with limited commentary. I wanted it to seem as if we were watching the episode together. Going forward, I’m going to experiment with some new format and style choices. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments section.

39 Days, 18 People, 1 “Survivor” Blog

Alright, let’s take a closer look at the brand-spankin’ new tribes…

The Levu Tribe (AKA: The Heroes – Wearing Blue)
Alan, 31 – NFL Player
Ashley, 26 – Lifeguard
Ben, 34 – Marine
Chrissy, 46 – Financial Analyst
JP, 28 – Firefighter
Katrina, 46 – Olympian

The Soko Tribe (AKA: The Healers – Wearing Yellow)
Cole, 24 – Wilderness Survival Guide
Desiree, 27 – Physical Therapist
Jessica, 29 – Nurse Practitioner
Joe, 34 – Probation Officer
Mike, 43 – Urologist
Roark, 27 – Social Worker

The Yawa Tribe (AKA: The Hustlers – Wearing Red)
Ali, 24 – Celebrity Assistant
Devon, 23 – Surf Instructor
Lauren, 35 – Fisherman
Patrick, 24 – Small Business Owner
Ryan, 23 – Bellhop
Simone, 25 – Diversity Advocate

First Impressions: How is a financial analyst a hero? Or a probation officer a healer? And man, I’m going to be so disappointed if I see a member of the Hustlers tribe dogging it during an immunity challenge.

The Marooning

We meet up with JPro and the eighteen newbies on a boat. He tells them that they’ve been divided based on the trait that people use to describe them. Mmm…kay.  During the course of the chat…

  • Probst speaks to Ben, Cole, Ali, and Mike.
  • In a confessional, Chrissy tells us that she feels comfortable being a hero because she left her career, raised her family, then returned to her career. Awesome and admirable…but heroic?
  • Mike introduces himself as a “Sex Doctor,” which totally sounds like a Showtime series.

From there, Probst sends them on their merry way to gather supplies and compete in the first challenge. This quickie contest involves rowing to shore and lifting a tribemate so they can light a torch. The first tribe to light their torch will receive fire and a firemaking kit. The second tribe will receive flint. The third tribe has to live with their failure.

They start off and it’s madness as usual. During the course of the fun, Ryan manages to find a secret advantage.

The challenge portion is a complete joke as the Healers claim first, the Heroes take second, and the Hustlers can’t even get their boat pointed in the right direction. However in their defense, they never stopped trying. Probst wasn’t even subtle about it, saying the Hustlers were still “trying to figure out which show they’re on.”

At Healers Beach

Jessica is immediately crushing on Cole because she’s a human being who has functioning eyes.

Mike goes on an unsuccessful idol hunt, but is confronted by Joe. Joe tries to use his lie-detecting sixth sense to figure out if Mike has an idol and it just…goes…so…badly for all parties involved. It was just poor form on both sides in what could have been an alliance-building moment. Instead, Mike feels threatened and Joe didn’t gain anything out of the situation.

At Heroes Beach

Everyone pairs off really quickly. It looks live we’ve got Ashley and JP,  Ben and Alan, and Chrissy and Katrina. In fact Chrissy and Katrina are lovingly referred to as the “Mom Squad.”

Alan is very wary of Ashley and JP becoming a power couple and he tells us that he wants to play at a full sprint out of the gate. Cause that never backfires…

Cooler heads seem to prevail though, as Alan and Ben decide to team up with Ashley and JP. This is hilarious because Ben refers to himself as a younger player as if 34 was young on “Survivor.”

In the evening, Alan accuses JP of having an idol. JP does everything in his power to prove that he doesn’t, including stripping and jumping up and down. But Alan is not convinced. Can this be a thing now? If you think someone has an idol they have to strip and jump?

Oh, and later Alan admits to us that he didn’t think JP had an idol, he just wanted to shake things up. WHY?! It’s day two, dude.

At Hustlers Beach

Patrick asks the tribe if he should eat a walking stick bug and I immediately have flashbacks to Mike in Worlds Apart. But, that did work out well for him.

Patrick decides against it and freaks out as he’s throwing the bug away. He tells everyone, “I forgot I had a crab in my pants.”

Sounds like he could use a sex doctor.

Despite all of that tomfoolery, Ali still wants to work with Patrick.

Next up, Ryan tells us that he hasn’t had a chance to look at his advantage. He says, “It’s in my pants, I’m dying to know what it is.”

Sounds like he could use a sex doctor.

Ryan learns that his advantage is a super idol.

This idol can be played after the vote, but it can only be used at the first Tribal Council. If the Hustlers don’t go to the first Tribal, he must send it to a member of the losing tribe anonymously.

Ryan leverages this advantage to get in good with Devon. So smart. And it looks like they’re a solid twosome.

Immunity Challenge Time: The tribes will climb a net, then pull a cart to the top of a tower. They’ll hop in and ride it to the bottom. From there, they’ll have to choose a table maze. The first tribe chooses from three mazes, the second tribe picks between the remaining two, and the final tribe gets what’s left. They’ll carry the table maze to the top of another tower. The first two tribes to complete the puzzle will win immunity.

Note: Before the challenge, Jeff told the tribes that tie votes are back in play this season.

Challenge Result: The Healers took first place and the Hustlers were just barely able to edge out the Heroes.

Chrissy is in bad shape after the challenge. She vomited, but she didn’t want medical to be called it. Sooo…it’s pretty safe to assume that Ryan’s going to send that idol her way.

Post-Challenge Politicking

It looks like we’re starting off with Ben, Alan, JP, and Ashley against the “Mom Squad,” but Alan immediately blows it up. He tells Katrina and Chrissy that nobody has been talking strategy with him and that they should work together.

Ben drops the classic “stick to the plan” bomb, but it looks like he’s going to stay tight with Alan.

Before they head off to Tribal, Chrissy receives a little gift from Ryan. Called it.

Tribal Time

Well, this was a mess. Ashley, JP, and Alan immediately get into it over whether or not they have an idol and whether or not JP and Ashley are a power couple.

Alan even says that he could’ve sat back and let things slide, but he wanted to let everyone know that they were a couple. Yes, you could’ve and you also probably should’ve.

Voting: Katrina was voted out five votes to one. The super idol was not played.

Verdict: Early “Survivor” is so easy, Alan. Work hard, be cool, make an alliance, vote off the weirdo. Yikes.

Anywho, there’s a lot of potential this season. People to root for, people to root against. I can’t wait. I just hope there aren’t more super idols waiting to be found.

My Winner Pick: Boy, I hate to curse her because she seems awesome, but I’m going with Ali. I think she has a good head on her shoulders.

  • Ryan – The future Cochran Award winner for best self-depreciating humor killed it this week. He found the super idol, he used it to earn the trust of his tribe’s most prominent meat shield, and he made a potential future ally out of Chrissy.
  • Ben – Sometimes the best thing you can do when your alliance is falling apart is to just let it happen and then pick up the pieces afterwards. A five-person tribe is a dangerous place to be, but he should be fine.
  • Devon – Opportunity knocked and you answered it.
  • Chrissy – I’ve got to think you had a really good reason for not saving Katrina. Hopefully it put you in a good spot with the rest of Levu.
  • JP – “Survivor” 101 states that you never make it look like you’re part of a power couple. You’re really lucky it didn’t cost you.
  • Ashley – I thought you were going to be the victim of the super idol. Regroup and regroup quickly.
  • Joe and Mike – The moment where Joe accused Mike of idol hunting was just…cringey. (Probably not a word.) What could have been an alliance-building moment seemed to have the opposite effect.
  • Alan – Wow…just wow. You can’t win the game on day one, but you can sure lose it.
  • Cole, Desiree, Jessica, Roark, Ali, Lauren, Patrick, and Simone – I can’t give you full credit if you don’t show your work.


Any Questions?
Drop me a line on Twitter: @gordonholmes

The opinions expressed are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.

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